Crying in the Night
by mzgora
Summary: B/S, set right after Dead Things, Buffy had to deal with, well, everything, mostly her feelings for Spike, Chapter 9 up!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: aren't mine  
  
Summary: S/B, set right after Dead Things, Buffy had to deal with, well, everything.  
  
Buffy cried for the first time since she had been brought back. The sobs were wrenching her entire body painfully, uncontrollably, while she let her pain flow down her cheeks.  
  
Tara patted her blond hair while a few tears of sympathy escaped her own eyes. She didn't know what to do. She wished desperately to be able to say something, do something, to help Buffy. She felt the hot wetness soaking through her clothes onto her lap. If possible, it seemed Buffy's weeping became stronger with every minute.  
  
Buffy couldn't stop. Her emotions attacked her full force, her lungs contracted so painfully she couldn't breathe. She didn't know if she wanted to. Maybe she wanted to die, but she couldn't even think clearly enough to think about that. She wanted to stop and pull herself together but at the same time all she wanted to do was kneel and cry on Tara's lap forever.  
  
She had to have come back wrong. Tara must have missed something. She couldn't possibly be the same Buffy if she was doing something so, so, so... wrong. She had to be wrong, to make what she had done right. She couldn't have let him to that to her if she was okay. A tiny voice in the back of her mind told her she hadn't let him do anything, if anything, he let her.  
  
She couldn't bear her feelings. She wanted to escape from them, go numb again. Why did he have to have woken all those emotions in her? She felt like she might explode.  
  
If she wasn't wrong then what had she been doing with him? How could she have slept with another vampire, knowing it was wrong? What he did to her, what she did to him, it was so wrong. She was the Slayer and he was a vampire. Why did she have to keep reminding herself of that?  
  
Tara slowly pulled the girl next to her onto the couch and hugged her, patting her back. The sobs didn't seem like they would ever stop. She searched her mind for something she could do, drawing a complete blank. She heard a creaking on the stairs and looked up at Dawn.  
  
The girl was standing on the stairs, looking at the two of them. After a while she slowly made her way to the couch. She sat behind her sister and wrapped her arms around her tiny waist.  
  
Through the fog surrounding her, Buffy felt her sister hug her. Momentarily, she stopped crying and, disentangling herself from Tara, she turned her wet face to her sister. "Dawn" she said, her voice a coarse whisper. Then the sobs started all over again and she buried her head in Dawn's neck, while Tara gently patted her back.  
  
She was able to think a little more clearly, although the tears flew as quickly and her lungs burned like fire. Realization dawned on her, she slept with Spike and she couldn't blame it on coming back wrong. A new wave of anguished tears ran from her eyes. She slept with Spike. She had sex with Spike. And, on top of that, she wanted to do it again more than anything else.  
  
The three girls sat in the darkness, on the couch, listening to the deafening sound of Buffy's pain and confusion. Slowly, after what seemed like hours, Tara stood up and gently lead Buffy to her feet and up the stairs to her room, Dawn following behind.  
  
The witch helped Buffy into her bed and Dawn climbed in with her. Buffy was clutching at her sister desperately and, still crying, fell into an exhausted sleep. When she felt her sister's body relax, Dawn got out of the bed and she left the room with Tara, closing the door behind them. They didn't speak until they reached the kitchen.  
  
"What happened?" was Dawn's first question.  
  
"I think it's better if she tells you herself. I don't know how she would feel if I told you anything."  
  
"Oh, okay. I guess. Is she going to be okay? Is there anything I can do for her?"  
  
"Right now, just let her rest. Hopefully she'll feel better in the morning." She started to move toward the door, leaving.  
  
"Tara? I know this might sound weird, but, um, do you think that, maybe, we should get Spike? I think, I have this feeling, like he helps her, sometimes. It always seems like when she feels really bad she goes to see him, and when she comes back, she seems, I don't know, a little happier?" She was looking at the older girl hopefully.  
  
"Actually, Dawn, that might be a good idea. Why don't you try and go back to sleep and I'll go get him, okay?" Dawn nodded and headed back up the stairs to her room and Tara left to the cemetery.  
  
Buffy was dreaming, again. She was waking up in her coffin and started to dig her way to the surface frantically. As soon as her hand reached up from the ground she suddenly found herself on top of Spike, plunging a stake into his heart. She stared into his wide eyes as he whispered her name-  
  
"Buffy! Wake up!" Spike hissed in her ear, afraid of waking up Dawn in the next room. He had rushed over after Tara told him Buffy was crying. His brief moment of happiness at being told there wasn't anything wrong with her quickly ended when he found out how she had reacted. Then grief had settled over his dead heart as he realized he would probably never be able to touch her again. Even so, he ran as quickly as he could, hoping above hope, that he might be able to help her just a bit before she closed herself to him forever.  
  
Buffy's eyes snapped open, unfocused. She was breathing heavily from her nightmare. When she saw him she pulled him down next to her on the bed and hugged him so tightly he hissed in pain as a bruise she had inflicted the night before smarted. The sound seemed to awaken her completely and she pulled away, looking at his slightly battered face, knowing how much worse it must have been before his enhanced vampire healing took over.  
  
She raised her hand to his blackened eye and touched the skin gently. Spike sat completely still, afraid she might be frightened if he moved.  
  
She looked into his eyes for a while, losing herself in them and her thoughts consumed her again. She slept with Spike, she used him and she didn't come back wrong. She wanted to kiss him so badly. And, for the first time, she let herself think that, maybe, just maybe, it wasn't so wrong to want him so much. Because how could it something that feels so right be wrong?  
  
She whispered, so softly he had to strain his vampiric hearing to catch it, "I'm sorry".  
  
"'S'ok, luv. Doesn't hurt much, and, `sides, I let you do it."  
  
She lowered her head onto his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist. He smelled of cigarette smoke, leather, blood and alcohol. She breathed him in, a small smile forming on her lips. "Not about beating you up. I'm not sorry about that. I don't know why, but I'm not. I meant about everything..." She looked up at his face, his eyes staring right back at her, the moonlight streaming in through the window making his face more beautiful than she had ever seen it. "The way I treated you, how I used you, I'm sorry for hurting you, Spike. I'm, I'm scared. Stay with me?" The last was not so much a question as a plea.  
  
Spike was surprised, to say the least. He had expected her to push him away and tell him to leave. He watched her for a long time before realizing she was waiting for an answer, and she seemed to be scared he would refuse. He didn't know how she could possibly, after all this time, think for a second he would ever refuse her anything. "'Till the end of the world, luv."  
  
Buffy smiled at this, remembering the last time he had said it the night she died. For the first time since she was brought back, she found she could think about that night without pain squeezing her heart. Teasingly, she asked "Even if that happens to be tonight?"  
  
Spike returned her smile, happy she seemed to be all right, before answering "Even if that happens to be tonight."  
  
"Then you should probably cover the window, it would take me hours to clean the dust off my bed." He stood up and closed the curtains, fighting the urge to jump up and down in excitement over a clear sign that Buffy cared.  
  
When he returned to sit on the bed, Buffy leaned over his lap to reach his boots, which she quickly untied and took off. Then she slipped his duster from his shoulder and climbed under her covers. When he didn't move, she took the corner of her cover and turned it over, inviting him in.  
  
He still didn't move, but it wasn't because he didn't want to. "Don't you want to change into something more comfortable? You're wearing jeans, luv."  
  
TBC... if you want me to, the feedback, or I won't!!!! 


	2. I killed them-added Feb.11

Thanx for all the feedback!!! I wasn't actually planning on writing more today, but you guys got me convinced!!! There are some parts in this chapter that are from past episodes, if I made any mistakes, please let me know, my memory's not perfect after all (sure would help in school!). Please give me feedback, it's not only what I live fore, but will also encourage me to continue sometime soon.  
  
Buffy looked at him a little surprised. "Spike, I have to get up in a couple of hours, get Dawn off to school and go to work. Will you just shut up, climb into bed with me, hold me and let me sleep?" She had planned to sound annoyed, but her voice just came out tired.  
  
"Never said no to a lady." Spike smirked at her, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
Buffy just rolled her eyes and turned on her side, facing away from the blond vampire. A second later she felt him spooning himself against her back, his arm going around her waist. She was half asleep when she heard him whisper "'Night, luv".  
  
Buffy was running through the graveyard, chasing a vampire. Just as she was closing in on him, he looked back at his pursuer and fell into an open grave. She jumped in after him, tackling him to the ground. She raised her arm to dust him, when her stake suddenly transformed into a sword and the vampire into Angel.  
  
She couldn't stop her arm and she ran him through, pushing him to the ground. She looked up, expecting to see the mouth of Acathla behind him, but it wasn't there. Instead, Faith was standing looking at her with a psychotic smile on her face. "Want. Take. Have." And just like that, she was gone, leaving Buffy still holding the sword as Angel gasped at her feet.  
  
She lifted her arm, taking the weapon out of the vampire's chest. But instead of getting rid of it, she used it to cut open Angel's chest before bending down and ripping his heart out.  
  
She stared at the organ for a while before looking down at the man's face, not surprised to find Riley lying there with blood on his shirt. As he whispered her name in a hurt voice, she squeezed his heart with all her strength, letting the blood fall on his face. She let what was left of his heart fall to the ground.  
  
Buffy looked at her hands, covered in blood, and looked up to see Faith. She was on the balcony with a knife in her hand. Faith had a big gash on her abdomen and Buffy watched, helpless, as she fell to the street. She rushed to look over the edge, and found herself looking at Faith's pale face on a hospital bed.  
  
She stood rooted to her place, watching the fallen Slayer, as someone walked up behind her. Spike trailed his hand down her arm as he whispered, "You belong in the dark. With me."  
  
The scene changed again and she was standing in front of the Mayor's assistant. Before she could stop her, Faith plunged a stake into the man's chest. Buffy looked at her when she said, "No, B, you don't get it. I don't care."  
  
Buffy suddenly woke up. She sat up in her bed, jerking Spike's arm off her and waking him up, although she didn't even notice his presence.  
  
He watched as she stood up on shaking legs and walked to a corner. She put her back against one of the walls and slid down until she was crouching. She was bathed in sweat, her body trembling and tears slowly running down her face. She looked like a small, frightened child as she seemed to fold into herself.  
  
He got up and walked over to her, kneeling in front of her. She didn't even seem to notice him as he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
Spike was worried she was falling into a hole and knew he had to help her out of it. "Buffy, luv, look at me." When she didn't respond, he put a hand under her chin and raised her face to look at him only to find her eyes weren't focused. The pupils were large and they were consumed with an emotion he hadn't seen in her since the first night after she was brought back. He had never expected to see it in the Slayer's eyes. There was even a time when he would have wanted it. Now it just killed him more than a stake ever could. Buffy's eyes showed a fear so intense no mortal could ever know it and survive.  
  
He grabbed her shoulders and shook them while saying her name over and over again in as calm a voice as he could manage. He realized with relief she was starting to focus on his face.  
  
He let go of her shoulders as she looked down at her hands. "I killed them" She was looking at her hands in horror as more tears materialized down her cheeks.  
  
"Buffy, it was an accident. Please, Buffy, it was an accident." He couldn't bear to see her like this. He was actually surprised that she hadn't turned herself in to the police.  
  
She was looking at him, and he realized she had said them, not her. He didn't know what to think but she answered his question, realizing he didn't know. "I didn't kill that girl in the cemetery. Warren did."  
  
"Oh. Well then, luv, who'd you kill?" He said it lightheartedly; she seemed to be okay again. Just as he thought that, she started to shake again as she cried with invisible tears.  
  
She was looking at her hands, rubbing them against her jeans, as if trying to get them clean. "I killed them, I killed them" She kept repeating those words going into a sort of trance that scared Spike.  
  
He started to shake her until she seemed to snap out of it. "Buffy, stay with me now. What are you talking about? Did you have a nightmare? Talk to me, luv."  
  
She stared at him as if only noticing now that he was there. She just looked at him for a long time, until he started to worry he had lost her again. "Luv, what are you thinking about?"  
  
She looked into his eyes and said in a low whisper "you're wrong."  
  
He smirked "'course I am, luv. I'm the Big Bad. Bloody evil, I am. Grrr." His smirk quickly faded when she didn't even seem to have heard him.  
  
"I don't belong in the dark. I don't belong with them, but I don't belong in the dark, either. I can't be in the dark. It's too easy. Faith gave in, I can't. I can't." The short moment in which she almost seemed to be coming out of her trance passed as quickly as it had come, and she started to mutter "I killed them" again.  
  
Spike was really confused. He thought he had heard the name Faith before, but couldn't place it. He wondered if he should ask her to explain or if he should wait and ask later.  
  
While he was still contemplating, Buffy's alarm sounded from her bedside table. They both jumped at the sudden sound and his head snapped in that direction. Before he could turn back to look at her, she was up and pushing past him to turn the offending piece of technology off. While she was heading out the door, Spike saw she had slipped back into the face she had been wearing for months. A minute later he heard the shower running and he got up and decided he would go make some breakfast for the two women he loved. Buffy had to make it through the day, then he would help her deal with whatever it was had her so worried that night. He just hoped it would be soon enough.  
  
TBC... FEEDBACK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Spike domestic?-added Feb.13

**Not mine**  
  
*Here's the third part. Thanks for all the reviews, I promise to return the favour! Also, since I live in Canada, I can't see the new episodes until Saturday, so this is still post Dead Things.*  
  
As Dawn walked into the kitchen she was pleasantly surprised to find Spike, cooking on the stove, just as he had all summer. With a smile, she sat down at a stool before asking brightly "what'ya making?"  
  
Without turning around he answered "eggs", then got three plates out a cabinet and started to fill them up. When he was about to move on to the third, Dawn stopped him "if that's for Buffy, don't bother."  
  
He looked at her a little strangely "she doesn't like eggs? Or she won't eat something made by the evil undead?"  
  
"Uh, I think the second one is true, but I just meant she eats breakfast like once every never, or maybe its more like she just never eats." She was too busy gulping down the delicious breakfast to notice the look of worry pass Spike's features.  
  
"She used to eat a lot. Then she became the Slayer, well, I didn't know she was the Slayer back then, I just noticed she started to get into trouble and stuff, but I guess it was around then and she started to go without food for a few days. Guess that was during apocalypses or something. But then she'd start all normal again, like nothing happened. I guess she stopped caring about food after Angel lost his soul. Never got her appetite back, I guess." Spike was silent and she threw in, as an afterthought "maybe being the Slayer means you don't have to eat much, kinda like you without the grossness of blood."  
  
Spike contemplated this newfound knowledge as Buffy walked into the kitchen in her Doublemeat Palace uniform. As she noticed the scene in front of her, she stopped so suddenly that Willow, who had been following her, walked into her, startling her into movement.  
  
As soon as she recovered from her shock she said, annoyed, in the bleached vampire's direction "what's going on?"  
  
Spike's trademark smirk settled into place as he shot back "making breakfast for my favourite woman" winking at Dawn before looking at the redhead "here, Red, enjoy." He shoved a plate at her.  
  
"Thanks Spike", she said as she sat down and started eating greedily.  
  
Buffy watched as Spike filled up the third plate, stunned at how no one but her seemed to notice how bizarre the situation was. When Spike pushed the plate in her direction, she found the entire thing too much for her.  
  
"Okay, I'm going to ask this as politely as possible. What the hell is going on? You're eating Spike food, food of Spike!"  
  
She was looking at Spike for an answer but Dawn was the one to speak up. "Buffy, he cooked for us during the summer. He makes really good food, you should try it. I've got to go to school. See ya later." With that she got up and moved toward the front door.  
  
"Dawn, wait! I have to make your lunch."  
  
"Spike already made it! Bye!" They heard the door shut behind her.  
  
Buffy looked at Spike's amused expression with wonder. She found herself lost in his intense blue eyes. She started to wonder again if being with him would really be wrong. Dawn's behavior seemed to point out that she would have nothing against it.  
  
As she tore her gaze from Spike's she noticed how Willow was eating in comfortable silence, completely unflustered at his presence. For the first time she wondered if maybe, just maybe, the summer had changed them so much they wouldn't want to stake the vampire the second they found out.  
  
She shook her head and looked at the clock on the wall. If she didn't leave now, she'd be late. "I'm going to work." She turned on her heal without glancing at Spike and started to walk away before adding "I get off at five!" She briefly wondered why she'd said that. She decided to ignore the little voice that said it was because she hoped Spike would stay until then.  
  
Soon after Buffy, Willow left to the university, leaving Spike alone in the big house in the middle of the day. He quickly cleaned up after breakfast and lay down on the couch to sleep.  
  
It took him only a few minutes to realize how futile the attempt was. He couldn't stop worrying about her.  
  
He knew whatever it was she had dreamed about was bothering her. He couldn't figure out what it was she had meant when saying "I killed them", but knew it was important he find out. Dawn's story increased his worry. He scolded himself for never noticing how little she ate. In fact, he realized he'd only seen her eat anything a few times, even though he stalked her for so long. No wonder she was so skinny.  
  
He knew Dawn was wrong. Slayers needed to eat as much as humans did, probably more so since they used so much energy fighting all the time. He hated Angel for causing her so much pain she had stopped taking care of herself.  
  
He determined that he would force her to speak to him that night. He'd chain her up if he had to. Hell, he had nothing to lose. It was his turn to ignore the voice saying that for the first time in his existence, he did have something to lose, more than he could imagine. He had the love of the Nibblet, the reluctant trust of the Scoobies and, maybe, some small feeling other than complete hatred from the one woman he ever really loved.  
  
He fell asleep on the couch, where Dawn found him when she returned home from school.  
  
Buffy breathed in a relieved breath of fresh air as she stepped out of the fast-food restaurant. She had thought her shift would never end. She had almost fallen asleep a few times, suddenly zoned out, thinking of her dream, when she was taking out the trash and had spilled coke all over her shirt. She couldn't wait to get home, take a shower and crawl into bed to hide forever.  
  
She wondered if she could skip patrol that night. Maybe Spike could do it for her. Oh yeah, that was another thing about her job. It gave her a lot of time to think about him. The way his duster flew all around him when he fought. The way his mouth contorted in pleasure as he came. How his skin, his blood, his cum and his tongue tasted. The sound he made when she hurt him. All the things he did to her.  
  
Just thinking about him made her feel more alive as she walked up the porch steps to her house. She walked into her home and, after taking off her jacket, she turned to the living room where she heard a scratching noise.  
  
What she saw surprised her. Spike was sleeping peacefully on her couch, completely oblivious to the teenage girl watching him from her seat on the coffee table.  
  
As she walked up to her sister, Buffy understood what it was Dawn was doing. She was drawing him! In her lap she held her sketching book and was busy drawing the scar in Spike's eyebrow.  
  
Buffy stood next to her for a minute, appreciating the accurate picture. "It's beautiful, Dawnie" she told her.  
  
Without looking up, her sister whispered "Shh, don't wake him up."  
  
Buffy couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry, you can yell around him and he won't blink an eye! The only way to wake him up is to hit him."  
  
At Dawn's strange, questioning look she continued "I've had to wake him up pretty often over the last few years. Whether to enlist his help or just get information." Her sister shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"So, all this time I've tip-toed around him was for nothing?"  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
"So, you really think it's nice?" She asked her, pointing at the pencil drawing.  
  
"It's beautiful." Yup, definitely beautiful. She found herself staring the unfinished picture, noticing how her sister had managed to capture both the dangerous and peaceful air about him. "How about when you're done we find a frame for it and put it on a wall or something?"  
  
Dawn looked up at her hopefully, "really?"  
  
"Yes, really." Seeing how happy it seemed to make her sister made her feel like a small burden was lifted off her shoulders. "So, weren't you mad at me or something?" She wondered if maybe she shouldn't have said that, but was relieved when Dawn didn't seem to remember her anger again.  
  
"Yeah, but I figure thinking you killed someone and then crying half the night gives you a `get out of jail free' card. And, no offense Buffy, but you look like a raccoon. You should go to bed. When the sun comes down I can wake Spike and make him go patrol for you." Buffy suddenly yawned.  
  
"Thanks Dawn, I think I'll do just that." She looked down at her stained uniform disgustingly before continuing, "maybe I'll just take a quick shower first."  
  
"Oo-kay, sleep well." Dawn smiled at her and Buffy found herself smiling back, all her troubles momentarily forgotten. She looked once more at the drawing, then at the model for said drawing and turned to go upstairs when her foot caught on a leg of the coffee table and she fell face first to the floor.  
  
TBC... I realize this chapter was a little, I don't know, PG, nothing very angsty or anything, but the coming chapters will have plenty of drama and sex. Please give me feedback, it's what I live for!!! 


	4. added Feb.14

As she watched her sister fall down onto the floor, Dawn quickly got up to help her, not realizing that she threw her sketching book at the sleeping vampire. Spike sat up suddenly, jerking awake from a none too pleasant Slayer dream.  
  
It took him about one second to realize where he was, why he had woken so suddenly and for Buffy's form on the floor with Dawn over her to register and the worry to set in. Less than another second later he was kneeling next to her. "What happened?" he demanded of the Nibblet.  
  
Dawn started to respond as a loud groan, muffled only slightly by the carpet, came from the lying girl. Buffy turned over and sat up, touching her nose delicately. She looked at Spike and told him "no wonder you always told me to `lay off the nose'". Seeing she wasn't seriously hurt, Spike's smirk returned. They gazed at each other for a moment before being interrupted by Dawn.  
  
"Okay, Buffy, I really think you should go to sleep now. You fell over a table leg! You are such a clutz."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes before agreeing "yeah, I'll go take a shower then straight to bed."  
  
Dawn looked over at Spike "Spike, can you patrol for her tonight? She really needs to sleep after all the crying last night."  
  
Spike nodded but Buffy broke in "no, it's all right. I've got plenty of time to sleep before patrol time." She got up off the floor and started to walk away, missing the knowing look that passed between the two.  
  
She stopped when Spike called to her "Slayer! I'm going to make some dinner for you two, so come down after you take your shower, got it?" It may have been a question, but Buffy wondered if it hadn't sounded more like a command.  
  
"I'm not hungry." She was halfway up the stairs when the vampire grabbed her elbow and pushed her against the wall. "Hey!" She was about to push him away, but found her hands were being held in iron grips against the wall, at an angle that made it almost impossible to force them away.  
  
Spike didn't know if what he was doing would help or not. He'd acted on impulse, which would also explain why his entire body was pressed up against her. It took every ounce of his strength to ignore the heat coming off her body and the faint smell of her blood cursing through her veins. Involuntarily, his hips bucked against hers and he heard a small gasp come from her throat.  
  
Luckily, he remembered Dawn in the living room and moved a few inches away from her. He managed to get his voice to sound strong and determined "Slayer, you are going to go take a bloody shower. You're going to come down and eat dinner with me and the Nibblet. Then you're going to go to your bed and sleep."  
  
Buffy was looking at his eyes which screamed to be obeyed. So much power and danger was in those eyes. But that wasn't what made her nod her head, no, it was what she saw even deeper in those intense, sexy blue eyes. Burried deep in those chasms was the desperation of a person who was playing his last cards, a person who refused to accept defeat quite yet. She didn't even realize she had thought of him as a person instead of a vampire when she nodded.  
  
Spike felt the familiar twinge of hope rise from deep in his chest as he released her. He watched as she slowly made her way up the stairs to the bathroom before turning around and walking back to Dawn.  
  
She had watched the entire scene with hopeful interest. As soon as her favorite vampire was with her again she asked him "you wanna tell me what's going on?"  
  
Without thinking, he replied "even Slayers have to eat, Nibblet. Your sister is just a stubborn bi-, she very stubborn and sometimes you gotta force her to do something." He walked past her and headed to the kitchen "so, what do you want for you supper?"  
  
Dawn followed him, picking up the forgotten sketching book as she went "uh, I don't know. Um, lets see, oh! How about those chocolate chip pancakes? Their the best."  
  
"Does Buffy like them?"  
  
"Yeah, dad used to make them when we were small." Spike, who had been rummaging through some cupboards, turned at the sad tone in her voice. He didn't know anything about the girls' father, he had never tried asking Joyce about it, not wanting to bring up a sad memory if there was one.  
  
"What ever happened to your dad?" Dawn looked up at him with a little bit of anger evident on her face.  
  
"He and mom got divorced, he was doing stuff with his secretary. Or doing her. Last we heard, he was in Spain, but the number he gave us doesn't work. Buffy tried contacting him when mom died." A single tear slid down her cheek and Spike couldn't help but feel angry at the man that caused his little bit so much pain.  
  
Dawn wiped the tear away and started to work on her picture. It was the first time Spike noticed it. "Hey, what's that?"  
  
"It's you. I was drawing you when you were sleeping, but never got a chance to finish. Just have a few more details to do."  
  
Intrigued, Spike walked around her and looked over her shoulder. He smirked "it's been a while since I've seen that handsome face."  
  
To his delight, Dawn laughed. "Ego much?"  
  
"Can't help it if I'm bloody handsome, bit." He started cooking the pancakes while listening to Dawn's pencil slide along paper, turning whenever she told him to so she could make the picture as perfect as possible, and sometimes just to look at the girl he had come to love so much.  
  
Buffy was enjoying the feel of the burning water as it rolled over her skin. She had already washed her entire body twice but didn't want to leave just yet.  
  
She had tried to stop herself from thinking about him all day but now she just let the thoughts consume her. She could feel his cool skin against hers, his muscles rippling under her hands. Just thinking about him made her knees weak with need.  
  
She had never felt this way before. She finally admitted it. She had really loved Angel but with Spike, it was just completely different. Wait a minute, the sudden realization she had just compared them, and Spike won, jolted her from her thoughts. No, it couldn't be. She couldn't possibly be in love with the bleached, cocky, annoying, soulless, evil, sexy, loving, caring, strong, courageous and "bad Buffy. Very bad Buffy."  
  
She jumped at least a foot when she heard his voice "why are you so bad, luv?"  
  
Spike had just come up the stairs to let her know dinner was ready. He had been about to knock on the bathroom door when his sensitive ears picked up Buffy's muttering. When she didn't answer he guessed, with a satisfied smirk, that she had been thinking about the same things he couldn't stop thinking about. Oddly, he found himself not teasing her about it. "Slayer, dinner's ready. Get that cute little but of yours downstairs, now!"  
  
When she heard his footsteps go down the hall and down the stairs, she turned the water off and quickly dried herself off. She put on her bathrobe and headed to her room. Not bothering to pick out anything nice to wear, she slipped into an old pair of sweats and a tee-shirt.  
  
She wondered briefly why she was listening to him. But when that reminded her of how she almost admitted to herself she loved him, she quickly put it to the back of her mind and headed to the kitchen.  
  
The smell of food made her stomach turn. She had almost reached the kitchen when she started to feel like she might throw up. She was about to go back when a strong hand encircled her shoulder and dragged her into the room and onto a stool.  
  
She looked at the plate before her and saw the pancake. She couldn't remember the last time she had had chocolate chip. Oh, yeah, that summer she had spent with her dad and Dawn, after she had died the first time. Before she had fallen so hopelessly in love with... Spike. Huh? Where had that come from?, she scolded herself. She had meant to think Angel. Before she had fallen so hopelessly in love with Angel.  
  
Spike noticed her furrowed brows. At first he thought the Nibblet was wrong and she didn't like pancakes. But she seemed to be lost in thought. "Slayer, eat."  
  
She looked up at him and was surprised to see a look of genuine concern on his face. She looked back at the pancake and determined to eat it, just to make him happy. Since when did she want to make him happy? Okay, she really needed some sleep.  
  
She made quick work of the pancake, noticing finally that her sister was eating next to her. Then she saw the drawing of Spike in the middle of the table and it seemed finished.  
  
She looked at it for a while and asked her sister "did you finish?" Dawn only nodded since her mouth was full. "It's great, Dawnie. There's some old frames in the closet in the hall, maybe you could find one to fit it."  
  
AHHH!!! I just realized I'm five minutes late for something!!! Gotta go!!! FEEDBACK PLEASE!!! 


	5. added Feb. 17

*Not mine*  
  
*Sorry for the delay, I had too much to do. You can blame my math teacher.*  
  
Dawn quickly got up and left the kitchen to go find a frame.  
  
Spike said in his annoying and self centered voice "Can't keep your eyes off, huh, pet? Going to hang up my unbelievably sexy face" he leaned over the island until his and Buffy's noses were almost touching, when he spoke, she could feel his breath on her face, smelling of cigarettes and pancakes "on the wall, pet? You're going to spend hours looking at it, then?"  
  
Against all her willpower and to his surprise, Buffy over and kissed him passionately. Just as he started to kiss her back, she pulled away.  
  
He looked into her eyes, his face lacking all traces of his cocky, arrogant self. His clear blue eyes burned into hers. When she spoke, her voice was teasing and seductive, shooting electrical currents throughout his entire body until he thought he was shaking visibly. "I'll be in my room. You can help me scratch that itch I have, the one I don't seem to be able to relieve myself."  
  
He pulled himself together and his smirk returned "Been trying, pet?"  
  
"You know how I said I only like you sometimes, that's one of those things you do to make me not like you." Buffy said but she was smiling. She got up and walked away. His eyes were still on the door she had went through when Dawn returned.  
  
"Hey, did Buffy go to sleep?" He snapped out of his sort of trance.  
  
"Yeah, Bit. Would you be allright by yourself? I want to make sure she falls asleep."  
  
He was out the door as soon as she nodded her head. He ran to the stairs, his body humming with anticipation. But halfway up the stairs, he stopped and thought. He remembered her eyes the night before, filled with unimaginable fear, and his heart broke all over again.  
  
He decided he would talk to her. He took a few deep, calming breaths until his body relaxed and walked the rest of the way to her room slowly.  
  
When Spike reached her door, he knocked lightly. He opened the door slowly when he heard her say "come in" and took a few steps into the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
Buffy had ran up to her room, taken off her clothes and lay down on the bed waiting for him. When she heard the light knock, she had thought it was Dawn and quickly climbed under the covers. As Spike closed the door, she took the blanket off herself and said "since when do you knock? I thought it was Dawn."  
  
Spike was looking at her in shock. He finally looked up into her face and shook his head. He walked up to her and pulled the covers back over her, trying to ignore the disappointed and, he noticed with surprise, hurt look across her face.  
  
He sat down at the edge of her bed. "We're going to talk now. I know you can't sleep just like that. You're going to tell me all about your dream, everything about every situation and person in it. So, you can stall all you like but this is inevitable."  
  
Buffy looked into his caring eyes and replied, "Spike, if I had to do that, we'd be talking until a year from now, and it wouldn't help me any. Besides, it's not like you ever told me about your life."  
  
"No, pet, I haven't. But you need to get it out, before you have another nightmare about it."  
  
Buffy couldn't look away from his eyes. She didn't understand what she was doing. Just a few minutes ago, she was going to have sex with him in her own room. She'd only done that with Riley, and not until a few months before he left her. There was something special about it. She didn't know why she did it, but she told Spike just that.  
  
"You know, I've only slept with Riley in this bed." They were looking at each other. Spike didn't understand what she was trying to say. She reached her hand from under the covers and took his, then sat up, keeping the sheet to her chest. Their faces were only a few inches from each other. He could feel the heat radiating from her. "It was special. Sleeping with someone in your own room, in your own bed, in your mom's home." Realization dawned on Spike and he felt the familiar feeling of hope go through him. "It was like accepting him as my man or something like that. Do you understand?"  
  
Spike only nodded, afraid of his voice failing him if he used it.  
  
"It took me over a year to take him here. I can't believe it, but I feel I could take you here right now. And take you in just as violent a way as every other time we've done it. If my mom is watching me, I don't mind. Because when I'm with you, it feels right. Being with you feels right, Spike."  
  
He couldn't believe it. He wanted to sing, to dance, to... he stopped thinking when her lips came in contact with his.  
  
The kiss started gently but became explosively passionate in seconds. His hands tore the covers away from her and he pushed her back onto the bed, never breaking the contact of their lips. Their tongues fought mercilessly against each other.  
  
Her hands found the hem of his shirt and started to pull it over his head. She gasped when his lips left hers as he pulled the shirt away and threw it somewhere, not caring where.  
  
He kissed her neck and she arched it to give him more access. They were both panting, even though he didn't need to breath. Her hands were undoing his belt and jeans, then her feet pushed them down his legs to his ankles, where he pushed them off to the floor from.  
  
They were lying on Buffy's bed. Spike was on top of her, her legs opened wide to accept him. Their hands were everywhere, exploring skin as their lips met in an eternal dance.  
  
He thrust into her, making her moan at his size. He gasped at her heat and tightness. "God Buffy, you're so damn tight."  
  
He felt his back hit something hard as Buffy rolled them right off the bed onto the floor. She sat up on him and started to ride him to oblivion.  
  
Dawn was watching television in the living room when she heard a loud thud. Afraid something terrible had happened, she jumped up and rushed up the stairs. She stopped outside Buffy's door, listening. She jumped back and pounded down the stairs after hearing the groans, Buffy's moans and Spike's "Buffy, don't stop, soo goood, Buffy."  
  
When she reached the living room, she emitted a quiet "eww" then smiled.  
  
Spike was clutching at her thighs as he arched to meet her every thrust. He was looking at her, her body arched backward and her hands gripping his legs just above the knees.  
  
Buffy moved forward, both of them crying out at the change of angle. His cock hit her in places she never knew she had. She feel onto his chest, never breaking the rhythm.  
  
They started to tremble uncontrollably. A little at first, then every muscle in both their bodies clenched repeatedly, inside and out. They didn't notice they had stopped thrusting. They lay there, Buffy on top of Spike, their entire bodies trembling together.  
  
Neither had felt anything like this before. Buffy's head was buried in his neck. They fell over the edge as one, none of their muscles in their control. His cock was twitching inside her womb in time with the trembling of her internal walls. They couldn't do anything, their bodies were completely in control.  
  
As their orgasms washed over them, Spike's dead seed exploded deep inside her, over and over again. He couldn't stop, every time he released, his body relaxed for a second then released all over again. It was in time with Buffy's multiple orgasms and their bodies continued to defy all physical lawn as they exploded continuously.  
  
After what seemed like centuries of pure bliss, their bodies relaxed completely. They lay on the soaked carpet, basking in the afterglow.  
  
As soon as Buffy felt she could move again, she lifted her head to look into his eyes. She saw nothing but complete love and admiration there. She said what she couldn't stop thinking "wow".  
  
Spike seemed to try to say something, but his jaw muscles wouldn't cooperate so Buffy continued. "That was just, wow. Spike, don't ever leave me." She fell back into his neck and breathed in his smell. "I think I could fall in love with you." She whispered into his ear.  
  
He finally regained control of his muscles and managed to croak "I love you, Buffy. So much. I won't ever leave you." He wrapped his arms around her, as tightly as he could. "I love you."  
  
He felt Buffy smile, then pull back from him. "You think we can manage to get into bed?" She started to move, only then realizing he was still inside her. Carefully, she slipped off him, feeling as though she had lost something she couldn't live without. But as they both climbed into bed and Spike wrapped his arms around her, she couldn't remember a time she had felt happier.  
  
She started to drift to sleep when Spike asked "Do you remember what time it was when we started?"  
  
Sleepily she answered "Before seven, why?"  
  
She felt him smile into her shoulder before he answered "Look at your alarm clock."  
  
The last thing she saw before closing her eyes and falling asleep in the arms of the man she loved was, in red, 11:34.  
  
Ok, I don't know if that was any good. I'm not really good at this stuff, but I had to try. If you liked it, please let me know and I'll write more. 


	6. Bar-added Feb.22

**This chapter continues right were the last one left off, but the events of Older and Far Away have happened. I don't know how, but the previous chapters as well as the episode have taken place. Guess you have to use your imagination. The only reason for this is the characters' behavior and possibly some of the things they refer to. Also, for all those of you who believe (like I did until that episode) that Joss will never get Buffy and Spike together. But, I think Older and Far Away prove otherwise, or maybe I'm just imagining it. Buffy's excuses for not getting it on with Spike have gone from "you're a soulless vampire" and such to "not here" and "they're not supposed to see". I think that's improvement, don't you?**  
  
***  
  
Spike woke up feeling warm. Before Buffy, he hadn't experienced that feeling since he had been human, and never appreciated it back then.  
  
He opened his eyes to find himself staring into a blond mass of hair. The top of her head was right under his nose, her hot breath on his neck. Their arms were around each other and one of her legs was between his, as one of his was between hers.  
  
Her breathing and heartbeat were even and regular, telling him she was still in a deep sleep. He decided he could stay like this forever when his stomach growled in hunger.  
  
He remembered the last time he ate was before getting trapped in the house. He couldn't go the day without blood and if he left now, he would make it to his crypt before the sunrise.  
  
Regrettably, he slowly disentangled himself from his very own sleeping beauty, careful not to wake her. He then quickly dressed and left the room. Halfway down the stairs, he saw Dawn sleeping on the couch and the television still on. He turned it off and carried Dawn up to her room, where he tucked her in.  
  
He made it home with a few minutes to spare, and headed straight for the refrigerator to have a nice, long drink.  
  
***  
  
When Buffy finally gave in and left her dream world, her first reaction was to reach across the bed for the person she subconsciously knew should be there. Upon finding nothing but empty space, her brain set out messages to other parts of her brain to wake her up, something wasn't right.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes to find herself alone in her bed and she sat up, afraid of why she was alone. She couldn't believe he had left. She didn't understand, he wasn't supposed to leave, he wasn't supposed to be like the rest of them.  
  
She realized she was starting to panic and took a few deep breaths. She looked at her alarm clock and saw she had to be at work in half an hour, at noon. She got up, took a shower, dressed and headed down the stairs. On the fridge she found a note:  
  
Hi Buffy,  
  
Dawn's going to Janice's for a sleepover. I checked it all out, don't worry. I have my group tonight so won't be in `till late.  
  
Bye,  
  
Willow  
  
She left without eating anything, wondering if she should tell her friends about the new person in her life.  
  
***  
  
After work, Buffy came home and quickly changed into jeans and a tank top, although she took a long shower to wash the smell of grease off.  
  
She headed out to patrol. She was in the last cemetery, having come across only a few vamps, when she had an idea. She didn't feel like going home quite yet and considered going to the Bronze but the thought depressed her. She decided to go to that demon bar Spike had taken her. She didn't bother questioning her sanity.  
  
She sat down at the bar and ordered a coke. While nursing it, a young-looking vampire sat down next to her. He asked her "wanna dance?"  
  
She was about to say no but she realized that, yes, she did feel like dancing, besides, the song that was playing was actually one of her favourites. He led her to the nearest open space, about ten feet from the bar. The place didn't have a dance floor but some demons danced wherever there was enough space.  
  
The first few minutes were a little awkward, but then Buffy let the music flow through her body as she moved to the beat. She closed her eyes and got closer to her partner. He suddenly went completely still and Buffy forced herself to open her eyes.  
  
He was looking at her with fear in his eyes. At Buffy's questioning look, he whispered "Slayer".  
  
Buffy shrugged before answering "vampire". At his confused look she added "geez, if you don't want to dance, I'll find somebody else." She turned and started to walk away but he grabbed her arm and pushed her back against his chest. They resumed their dancing, Buffy closing her eyes and getting lost in the rhythm again.  
  
The vampire quickly bored her, he wasn't a very good dancer. When another song ended, she pushed herself away from him and looked around.  
  
Every demon was looking at her. She could see lust in their eyes, but also a little fear. She was in a great mood and this only made her feel better. After another look around she called out "anyone think they could do better?"  
  
A few demons moved forward. She picked one who was closest. He, or at least it seemed to be a him, had skin a bright green colour and beady eyes, reminding her of a snake.  
  
She danced with him for one song, before moving onto another demon. She was having a great time. She hadn't let herself go like that since that night she had danced with Faith at the Bronze. She fed off the power she held over these demons, found self-assurance in their lustful glances.  
  
She didn't stop until she thought she would die of thirst. She pushed away her current partner, a large brown thing with horns and made her way to the bar to order another soft drink.  
  
"Sorry, Slayer, we're all out."  
  
She looked at the bartender in shock "what do you mean, you're all out? You don't have anything to drink?"  
  
He looked at her with what she guessed was the equivalent of a smile "I've sold more drinks tonight then all of last month. They need to cool off after watching you for just a few minutes."  
  
She smiled back at him in as menacing a way as she could manage, considering she wanted to smile for the next twenty years. "You know, for a small fee, I might consider coming back some night."  
  
Buffy could swear she saw the dollar signs appear in front of his eyes as he answered "how much?"  
  
She considered this. She decided it was a really good night and maybe she was going to luck out. "I'm thinking that, for you" she batted her eyes "I could dance for a thousand dollars and hour. Apparently I'm very good for business." She leaned over the bar, giving him a look down her tank.  
  
He considered this for a few minutes, before answering "I can give you five hundred".  
  
It took all of Buffy's willpower not to shriek in happiness. This really was turning out to be a great night. "Eight hundred, or nothing."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Good, glad to do business with you. I'll pretend tonight was a trial. I'll come back in a few nights, payment up front." The bartender was nodding vigorously. "Now, how about that drink?"  
  
"I wasn't lying about that. All we have left is blood."  
  
If she didn't get a drink soon, she'd die. "Don't you have water?"  
  
She saw him smirk "Do you see any plumbing around here, girl?"  
  
"Fine, then give me some of the blood." She watched his eyes go big as saucers, as she was sure hers were as well. She couldn't have just said that, could she? Blood? She was about to take it back, but the bartender had already set a glass in front of her. Thinking, what the hell, she pinched her nose and downed it in a few gulps. She refused to admit to herself that it hadn't tasted all that bad.  
  
***  
  
As soon as the sun had set, Spike had gone to get a week's worth of supplies in blood at the butcher's. He then carried it to the Summers' home. After finding it dark and empty, he stored the blood bags in the back of the fridge, noticing the note Buffy had read that morning. He spent the next hour looking in every cemetery for her.  
  
He had finally given up the search and decided to play some kitten poker. As he neared the bar, he overheard a group of demons talking about the Slayer putting on a great show. Apparently she was "fucking every demon in sight with her clothes still on".  
  
After the initial shock, he was worried she had gotten drunk. He practically ran the rest of the way. As he opened the door, the smell of demon arousal hit him with force.  
  
He was her at the bar. She was drinking something, looking good enough to eat in tight clothes that stuck to her wet skin. Her hair was all roughed up and her cheeks were red. A few demons were right behind her, as if waiting for her to finish. He stared at her until she put the glass down and he realized something. The glass had a red residue along the sides, suggesting whatever she had drank was thick enough to stick to the sides. That was when he noticed she had been holding her nose, pinching it.  
  
No, she couldn't have. He made his way to her, pushing demons out of the way. He smelled the blood from the glass just as she saw him.  
  
"Spike! What are-" She was cut off by his crushing mouth against hers.  
  
***  
  
Did you like that? If you did, please review!!! It's what I live for!!! And if you do, the next chapter will be up faster!!! 


	7. Bar2-added Feb.23

*I can't wait for the new episode, with Riley coming back. I'm totally expecting a repeat of the situation of when Oz came back during the 4 season: Buffy's going to realize she doesn't love Riley anymore. Which will make her realize who she DOES love, hint hint, nudge nudge.*  
  
Buffy had set down her drink, looked up and just as she realized who was standing right beside her she felt his cold lips against hers. It took her a second to react, but then she kissed him back with all her passion.  
  
Spike could taste the blood on her tongue. Nothing had ever turned him on as much. That first night with her was amazing, but he never would have believed someone who told him it had been just the beginning. He decided to think about his luck later and he put his entire heart into kissing the petite slayer.  
  
She had never felt so much. His tongue inside her mouth was hungry and demanding. She felt his hardness pressing into her abdomen and she moaned into his lips.  
  
A fast song played in the background. Her arms were around his lean waist and her hands ran up and down his muscular back under his duster. She pushed him onto a stool with her body, climbing up on his lap. He leaned back against the bar.  
  
She took his arms in her hands and guided them to take the sides of his leather coat and pull it around them. When she felt sufficiently covered, her hands roamed down to his jeans, pulling open the zipper and freeing him from his small prison.  
  
His lips traveled down to her neck, nipping and licking her skin along the way. They were panting, but neither realized nor cared.  
  
Her hands now unzipped her own pants and she pushed her panties aside. She had to move her hips forward to give his cock access to her wetness. When he was positioned just at her hot entrance, she lifted her arms above his duster and reached them over his shoulders. She bend forward to reach the bartender's side of the bar, about two feet wide, pushing herself slowly over his length.  
  
Her powerful fingers closed around the other side of the bar and she used it as leverage in the rhythm she had started. His lips left her skin as his head rolled back.  
  
He looked up at her face, to see her eyes closed and her lips contorted in undeniably the mirrored expression of his own.  
  
Neither cared about the demons that were gathered around them, hoping for a peak. Each one of them was in his or her own version of hard and wet, some of them rubbing against each other. They stared at the beautiful couple, star-crossed lovers if there ever were any. Some of them had played poker and gotten drunk with the vampire, but none had ever expected to see the slayer, unless it was at their deaths. Her reputation was great, she was the slayer who had cheated death many times, the one who had defeated the best of their world. And, tonight, she was among them yet so much different. She wasn't a slayer, she was The Slayer. And he, he was her Vampire.  
  
As the first waves of pleasure overtook the odd couple, they both screamed out. Somewhere, in the back of Spike's mind, he heard her yell his name for the first time in orgasm. Later, as he thought about this moment, he wouldn't be able to tell whether it was this or her teeth biting down on his shoulder through his shirt and jacket that set him exploding into her.  
  
As he slowly returned from bliss, he became aware of the demon faces all around them. He wondered briefly how long he had until she realized this, and took off running.  
  
Buffy lifted her hips off him before sitting down on his thighs. Her hands found themselves between them again as she zipped herself up and gently placed him back into his pants.  
  
She leaned forward on his chest and kissed him lightly on the lips. She then moved her lips to his left ear and whispered, so only he could hear, hopefully "I made a deal with the bartender. He's gonna pay me eight hundred per hour for dancing. Apparently I'm good for business. Can you watch Dawn for me?" when he didn't reply she asked "Spike?"  
  
He seemed to wake up from his daze and, after replaying what she had said he answered "you're going to dance for money?"  
  
She smiled at his jealousy before continuing in a mocking tone "don't worry, Spikey, I won't do anything you wouldn't do."  
  
They had returned to their usual banter "that's not much comfort, Buffy dear."  
  
"I know. But, seriously, can you watch her? I really really need the money, and…" he felt the heat rise in her cheeks, signaling she was blushing "I enjoyed myself tonight, even before you showed up. It was fun, to let myself get completely absorbed by the music. And all those looks they were giving me, the demons. It was like I could have any of them, all I had to do was point a finger and say 'you, come with me' and they would come." She lifted her head and looked into his eyes "Please? You know, it's not like I'm going to cheat on you." As soon as she saw in his eyes he was going to do it for her, she added "can't cheat on you if we don't have anything between us."  
  
The look in her eyes told him she was kidding, and knowing this made the corners of his mouth turn up, a small smile, but one that reached his eyes. "Okay, Slayer, I'll sit the lil bit for you. She can do my nails" Buffy rolled her eyes. "Hey! I'll have you know that doing so is completely-" he was silenced by another gentle kiss on his lips.  
  
She whispered, "let's dance".  
  
"My pleasure, Slayer, let's show these losers how it's done."  
  
  
  
*sorry it's not longer, but I seem to have a writer's block all of a sudden. I'll probably write more in a few hours, if not then tomorrow. I would really appreciate feedback* 


	8. Cemetary-added Feb.25

*Here's the chapter. You know the drill, not mine not mine not mine, but God, how I wish Spike was mine and only mine*  
  
  
  
They danced together, lost in the rhythm of the music, letting it wash over them. Spike was a much better dancer than Buffy had thought, but she guessed a couple centuries of experienced could come in handy. Not only on the dance floor, either, she thought remembering some of their, uh, shared moments.  
  
Buffy was pressing her back to Spike's chest as his strong arms encircled her tiny waist when he felt her tense up and stop moving. As soon as she had done so, he was still as well and ready for a fight if need be. He whispered in her ear "what's wrong, luv?"  
  
She shook her head, clearing it from a memory of times past. She had recognized the first beats of a song she didn't particularly want to remember. As the first words came threw the sound system, she knew she had to get out of there, now.  
  
She turned to face him, "let's go." Pushing his arms off her hips, she started walking to the exit. Spike followed her, helplessly. Something had upset her and he had a feeling it wasn't a demon, or him, for that matter.  
  
Buffy was walking as fast as she could. She headed for the nearest cemetery, one she hadn't been to in a few days since it wasn't very popular with the vampire community. She knew Spike was right behind her by the way the small hairs on the back of her neck stood up and the slight warmth in the pit of her stomach. He was completely silent, which she found both unnerving and comfortable. She frowned at that, still consumed by the memory the song had brought up.  
  
Spike was watching her silently. Her shoulders were completely tense and her hands were clenched in tight little fists. Itching for a fight, he thought.  
  
He sensed a couple of vampires just before he saw them. As she noticed them only a dozen feet in front of her, Buffy launched into an attack. The vampires were fledglings, and it only took her a few seconds to dust the first one. She could have staked the other several times, but, instead, she kicked and punched him to hell. With every hit that connected she felt a little bit of the tension wear off.  
  
Spike watched her until he took pity on the defenseless vampire. He stepped in behind him, staking him quickly. Buffy's fist went through the previously vacated air to land on Spike's jaw. He was fully expecting to fill in as the punching bag, and was surprised when she stopped as soon as she realized what he had done. She crossed her arms and glared instead.  
  
"Sorry, luv, having been on the receiving end of those temper tantrums of yours myself, I had to take pity on the little guy." She was surprised to see the ever-lasting smirk on Spike's lips disappear. "You want to tell me what happened in there?"  
  
She was still fuming at having her toy taken away. What was the point of being the Slayer if you couldn't even use your targets as destressers?  
  
She looked into those deep blue eyes staring back at her in worry. Acting completely on her impulses, she closed the distance between them in a fraction of a second.  
  
Spike saw the anger in her eyes turn to brutal lust and was prepared for the bruising kiss just as it happened. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, her lips left his to travel down to where his neck met his shoulder. She bit hard enough to break the skin and sucked greedily on the blood that surfaced.  
  
His brain had turned to mush. All he could think about where her hands on his body, her lips on his skin and his hands, his lips, on hers.  
  
She barely felt the wall of the crypt he pushed her against. He opened her jeans and pushed them down to her ankles, panties included. She ripped his shirt from his jeans and ran her hands over his chest before traveling to his belt buckle.  
  
His hands were busy rubbing her breasts furiously as she undid his pants, which fell halfway down his thighs as she had them opened. She ran her hand over his stomach muscles roughly, then up his back to settle on his shoulders, pushing the black shirt up along the way. Bracing herself on her arms, she jumped up, her jeans not allowing her legs to encircle his waist, instead settling for squeezing his hips with supernatural strength.  
  
He pushed into her in one quick thrust, burying himself in her. Buffy wanted, needed more and she pushed them off the wall onto the ground, the impact causing him to enter her to the hilt as they both reached their peeks at the same time.  
  
Spike dug his fingers deep into her buttocks as he exploded inside her red- hot center. She drew blood from small cuts made by her desperate fingernails in his shoulders.  
  
She rolled off him and they lay side-by-side, panting and half naked. As she regained her breath, she sat up and pulled her pants up and zipped them up. Looking over at him, she saw him finishing with his belt. He hadn't bothered to tuck his shirt in again.  
  
She got up and held her arm out to help him up, which he took without hesitation. As they stood, facing each other, he repeated his question "what happened in there?"  
  
Suddenly, the memory didn't seem so bad. In fact, nothing about that night she had remembered, or those months, seemed so bad. She smiled at him before answering: "the song that was playing, I woke up in a hospital once and it was playing. It was the only time I'd ever heard it."  
  
He was looking at her, seeing that inner glow he'd only glimpsed in the last few months. He couldn't help but smile back at her, all the while debating inside whether or not to pry further. He didn't want to ruin her happiness, yet he still thought she should talk about whatever it was that was bothering her. As it turned out, so did she.  
  
She turned and started to walk in the direction of her home, but before she turned she signaled him with a nod of her pretty little head to follow. As they walked together, she continued.  
  
"I'll make this as brief as possible. The other Slayer, Faith, she turned bad after she accidentally killed this guy. She started to work for the Mayor, who was actually this big snake guy that pretty much blew up the entire school on Graduation Day. She poisoned Angel with something that was killing him slowly."  
  
Spike looked at her, relieved and surprised to see that her eyes still shone, although the smile was gone. He should have known the Poofter had something to do with this.  
  
"The only thing to make him better would be the blood of a Slayer. So, I went after Faith. I stabbed her on her balcony with her own knife". He saw a single tear run down her cheek. He couldn't believe it, she had stabbed someone to save Angel? "Thing is, it being a balcony and all, she jumped off and onto a truck. So I made him drink me. It worked and I guess he took me to the hospital. When I woke up, the song was playing and I got up and when I walked to another room, Faith was lying there all pale and lifeless. She was in coma, woke up a year later."  
  
She found herself smiling a little at what happened then. "Then she found me, switched our bodies and slept with Riley." She stopped, they had made it to her house. She found her keys and opened the front door. Before opening it, she turned to face him "After we fixed it, she got away. She went to Angel and eventually turned herself in to the police." At his blank expression she added "she was wanted for the murder of that first guy."  
  
She turned back to the door and opened it quietly and whispered "Willow's probably sleeping. We shouldn't wake her up." She tip-toed into the room, but visibly relaxed when she saw the light on in the kitchen and her friend sitting with a book open in front of her.  
  
She took off her jacket and saw Spike close the door. She walked into the kitchen saying "Hey Will, why are you still up. Isn't it late?" She looked at the clock, noticing it was after one.  
  
Willow looked up, her eyes were tired and bloodshot. "Oh! Hi! I must have zoned out. I was just trying to get some studying done, I have a lot of work this weekend." She was looking from one to the other "how was patrol?"  
  
"Nothing much, Will." Buffy answered as she reached into the fridge and pulled out a yogourt, which she quickly devoured to the unnoticed delight of the vampire leaning in the doorframe.  
  
Willow gave her a look that said 'yeah, and I'm the President' before putting it into words "uh-huh. You're all covered in sweat and dirt, and even Spike's shirt isn't tucked. I may be dead tired, and falling asleep, but I know I've never seen Spike with his shirt out of his pants."  
  
Not thinking, Buffy said "that's only if he's wearing a t-shirt. If he wears a button-down, he doesn't tuck it in. And we just ran into some vampires, no big."  
  
Spike was surprised at how she had noticed how he dressed. He found it hard to stop himself of grinning, even by reminding himself the Big Bad wouldn't grin at that.  
  
"Right, well, I'm going to bed. See ya, guys." She brushed past him and up the stairs, they heard her door close a minute later.  
  
Buffy looked at him "you're awfully silent."  
  
He just shrugged.  
  
"Okay, well," she looked down at herself, then at him "guess a shower would be a good idea."  
  
  
  
*TBC, please let me know what you think????* 


	9. Shower

Spike looks at her. She was covered in dirt that stuck to her sweaty clothes. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Buffy was looking at him and he was afraid she could see what he was thinking written all over his face. His admiration, his love, his longing and his disbelief all showing in his eyes, naked to the woman before him like William's had been that night more than two centuries ago. Like his every time he told her he loved her, hoping that somehow, someway, she would believe him.  
  
He looked at her suggestively before walking over, invading her personal space. He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned forward, pressing his lips to her ear before whispering, "need some help with that shower, pet?"  
  
She shivered at his touch and he smiled. She took a small step back. She looked up at him, her eyes hadn't lost that glow he loved so much. "Spike, last time I checked," she smiled, a real smile that reached her eyes and beyond "the purpose of a shower was to get clean."  
  
He answered her without missing a beat, "don't trust yourself around me, pet?"  
  
She laughed. His heart soared. "I don't think I trust either one of us."  
  
He kissed her softly and sweetly. He pulled back slightly and softly said, "trust me" so close to her lips she could feel the air move.  
  
She moved forward to recapture those magnificent lips of his, but he pulled back. When she looked disappointed, and ready to jump his bones, he realized with satisfaction, he explained, "You can trust me, pet."  
  
Regaining her composure, "in what way would I be able to trust you, Spike?"  
  
He looked straight into her eyes completely seriously "in every way, luv."  
  
She knew it was true. She could trust him, but over her dead body would she admit it to him. Hiding herself behind a small wall, or more like a light curtain, she continued their light banter with a challenging look in her eyes. She walked up to him, placing one hand on his chest. She tilted her head back so that he could feel her hot breath on his chin when she spoke.  
  
"You think you can take a shower with me, all naked and dripping with hot water, my hands spreading soap all over my hot little body, without making a single move."  
  
He swallowed past the bowling ball in his throat and answered with more conviction than he felt, "definitely."  
  
She smiled at him and her eyes dared him through half-closed lids. She walked around him, trailing a hand across his chest as she went. Without turning back she said, "prove it" and continued out of the kitchen.  
  
He didn't hesitate before following her. She didn't turn around until they were outside the bathroom.  
  
She looked him up and down, standing only inches from her. "Go to my room, take off your coat, boots and shirt and come back. Be quiet."  
  
He watched her enter the small room before doing as she had asked. When he entered the bathroom in nothing but his pants the shower was running and a mist was starting to gather. His pants joined her clothes on the ground.  
  
Buffy thanked whoever was listening that they had one of those showers that ran over the bathtub as he stepped in behind her. She had her back to him and didn't bother to turn around. She reached for the small shelf and took her shampoo bottle.  
  
Spike grabbed the bottle from her hand and, since her head snapped back to look at him, he told her "relax, pet, just going to wash your hair."  
  
Reluctantly, she let him squeeze a small amount of the liquid on the top of her head. As his strong fingers began to massage her scalp, she felt every muscle in her body relax. She leaned back against his chest and completely surrendered to the feel of his hands on her. "I do."  
  
"What, pet?"  
  
"Trust you."  
  
He chuckled quietly. His chest quivered under her back as he did so. "I know, pet."  
  
He moved her under the water to wash out the shampoo. He was about to grab the soap bar but she already had it and started cleaning his chest. He started to protest but she silenced him with a look. She washed his entire body but hesitated she'd avoided his entire waist region. She handed him the soap, saying "you finish."  
  
He wanted to just take it and do it himself since he was afraid of her small hot hands making him go hard at the slightest touch. He looked at her, "finish what you started, pet."  
  
Buffy was annoyed. He knew exactly what she was thinking and he was pushing her only because she was embarrassed. Slightly angry, she took the soap from him and cleaned his sensitive parts without meeting his eyes.  
  
This was more intimate than anything they had ever done before. She had never touched him for any other reason than to get him inside her.  
  
He looked down at her. She made him turn around so she could do his behind and he stood, watching the wall. He had to stop himself from gasping when her soapy hand slipped between his legs and in his but crack. Luckily, two centuries with Drusilla had taught him how to control his excitement.  
  
She pushed him under the water and, after putting the soap onto its shelf; she reached for the shampoo and took a very small amount for his hair. She only spent a few seconds on it and left him to get cleaned off by the shower.  
  
He didn't move. Exasperated, she lifted his arms and started to move him around so that the water would get all the soap off his perfectly sculpted skin.  
  
As soon as she was done, he moved quickly to stand behind her, her back to his chest once again, but not touching this time. He took the soap and spread it over her arms, shoulder and back. He then moved down to start from her feet and worked up to her hips. He washed her stomach and chest, then played with the soap in his hands until they were filled with soapy goodness. He deposited the bar and his hands traveled down. One hand from behind, the other from the front, he washed her thoroughly, remembering how wet she had been earlier and how all that would still be there.  
  
He realized with satisfaction that somewhere, deep inside her, there was a bit of himself, a part of her for the moment.  
  
When he had her all clean and glistening, he reached over and turned off the water. He watched as she pushed away the curtain and grabbed a towel for herself and handed him another. They dried themselves before stepping out of the tub.  
  
He realized she hadn't looked at him for a long time. "Buffy?"  
  
She seemed startled at his use of her name. At least she was looking at him. For a minute, he was afraid if he'd pushed it, asking to take a shower with her. Maybe it was too normal.  
  
But, then, she smiled and everything was all right. It was a real, happy smile. He couldn't help but smile back.  
  
She put her towel on a rack and put on her fluffy, pale pink bathrobe. He reached for his pants but her hand caught his wrist. He looked up at her, surprised. "They're dirty, you're clean. Non-mixy things". When he continued to look at her a little confused, she sighed and continued, "wrap that towel around your waist and come with me."  
  
He did as she asked. She picked up all their clothes and left the bathroom. He followed her, feeling stupid in only a white towel.  
  
They entered her room and she dropped the pile of clothes next to the rest of his stuff. She walked over to her dresser and put on her pajamas, then looked for the biggest pair of dark sweat she could find. She triumphantly held up a pair of men's navy blue sweat, but her face fell when she remembered who's they were.  
  
Seeing her face fall and finally understanding her intentions he said "I'm not wearing anything of Captain Cardboard's".  
  
She tossed them to him and he caught them with one hand. "They're not Riley's." She started to pick up all the dirty clothes around her room, putting them into a basket she had taken from a corner.  
  
"I'm not putting on Angel's, either."  
  
Buffy started to walk toward the door when she said, "They're not his. Put them on and follow me."  
  
He shrugged and put them on, discarding the towel on a nearby chair. He found her in the lil bit's room, picking up clothes. He watched her for a few seconds then followed her as she went to the basement. He waited until she had put a load of dark clothes into the washing machine before asking, "So, who's are they?"  
  
She looked at him and he was relieved to see that, although she did seem to be remembering something, she still seemed to be pretty happy. She smiled, whether at him or at what she was replaying in her mind, he wasn't sure. "You don't know him."  
  
*Please give me feedback. It's the only motivation I have for continuing. * 


	10. Love

He watched her as her eyes twinkled back at him. He pressed on "Why don't you tell me whose pants I'm wearing?"  
  
"What's the point, if you don't know him anyway?" She turned her back to the working washing machine and jumped up to sit on it, facing him.  
  
He was starting to get the slightest bit jealous. She'd had another guy over at her house, in a way to have had him discarding his pants? "So, tell me about him." He wanted to know where this guy fit in her life.  
  
Buffy smiled brightly and shrugged. "Fine, whatever. You know that whole tall, dark and handsome thing?" Spike smirked. "Yeah, well, he was that and so much more. Tall, definitely. Not to mention really muscular, strong and broad shouldered. He had dark brown hair going down a little past his ears, never tamed. He was as handsome as they come."  
  
Spike couldn't help but look away the second she started. As she described the guy from her past who made her eyes shine so brightly just now, he wondered if he could ever be that for her. It really didn't help that this guy, and Angel and Riley, all had the tall, dark and handsome thing going for them.  
  
With sad eyes, he looked at her. Her eyes were still smiling mischievously. Um, wait a minute, mischievously? Realization dawned on him.  
  
"You're playing me, aren't you?"  
  
Buffy laughed. "You deserve it, and that look on your face was more than worth it."  
  
He couldn't help but smile back as he walked over to her, putting both his hands on her thighs. He looked at her face a foot in front of his and licked his lips. With excruciating slowness he slid his hands up to her hips.  
  
In a sudden movement, he grabbed her ass and pulled her forward, and right into him. Her legs went automatically around his waist and her arms around his neck. She searched out his lips with hers, but as soon as they came into contact he pulled away slightly.  
  
"Naughty Slayer," he started in a mocking tone, "I think I might punish you." The second the words were out of his mouth, he wished he hadn't said them. He looked down. He was so stupid, Buffy will probably push him away any minute. Any minute now, he just had to wait a second longer and she'd push him away.  
  
When he felt her teeth start nibbling his right ear, he almost jumped in surprise. "Please do," was the last thing that made its way through the rapidly descending fog around his head.  
  
Their lips touched with feverish passion so intense, they both pulled away slightly before plunging in again, seeking the pleasure it promised. His arms tightened around her with their entire strength, the same strength that had been used to snap necks. Her legs squeezed him to her so tightly, his bones would have broken if he were human.  
  
Her hot hands were traveling freely along the sculpted muscles of his strong back, leaving trails of fire in their wake. As their kiss became ferocious, primal, she let her legs slip from his waist and pushed him away slightly, whimpering at the loss.  
  
Spike felt the overwhelming sense of loss as she pulled away from him and looked at her, confusion marring his beautiful face, quickly disappearing as she lifted her shirt over her head. He reached under the waistband of her pajama bottoms with the tips of his fingers and pulled them down as she lifted her hips to let him. He could feel himself hardening almost painfully at the sight of her naked body. As he pushed the material off her ankles and stood up, she lifted her feet to the waistband of his borrowed sweats. He watched, mesmerized, as she revealed her core to him, too engrossed in her beauty for rational thought.  
  
She pushed his sweats down with her feet and he stepped out of them mechanically for he was lost in her beauty. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him to her.  
  
They wrapped their arms around each other. He reclaimed her lips before pulling away and kissing a path down to her shoulder, as she did the same. Her unbelievable heat pressed to his entire chest, was wrapped around his waist and nibbled on his collarbone. He had never felt so happy or as complete as he did with her.  
  
With a swift movement he was buried deep within her and they were moaning and groaning as the electric pleasure overtook their bodies. Neither noticed Spike's legs giving out underneath him, causing them to fall back. Buffy's back hit the cold cement floor with Spike's weight pushing her down. They started to dance in the rhythm older than time.  
  
As their movements became more frantic, all of a sudden Buffy stopped. Her legs and arms held her lover so tightly, he could do nothing but lift his head and look at her face, all his hope crashing to the bottom of a deep well. He could do nothing but watch.  
  
In a moment of inexplicable clarity, Buffy saw him for all he was. She saw the demon long ago tamed and the heart beating of the purest love; William the Bloody who killed and tortured thousands and had yet to regret a single life lost; the broken man wanting nothing more than to be allowed to love and accepted for who he was. In that second she saw her lover under a microscope and remembered every life taken by those hands under her back. In that moment, she prayed for their eternal happiness and thanked them for giving their lives, however unwillingly, to bring this man, for he was a man, to her. In that one moment, with the cold floor of her basement pressing into her back, the washing machine tumbling in the background, her lover over her and looking at her with all the hope gone from those expressive blue eyes she saw him for who he was: the man she couldn't help but fall in love with.  
  
Spike watched as Buffy's eyes seemed to be lost in a world far away. As he saw her focus on him again, he knew this was it. He braced himself for another rejection, knowing he wouldn't be able to handle it, not this time, not again. He felt the tears come and for the first time in over two centuries, he didn't care as they fell from his eyes. He wanted to look away, to run and hide but he couldn't. He stared into her eyes as they filled with love. The tears stopped. As he stared unbelieving into the soft eyes before him he heard her whisper three words he would never forget before she started to move again, and they lost themselves in each other again.  
  
It took only moments before their orgasms overtook them and they came. They lay there until the buzzer went off on the washing machine. They got up and dressed. Buffy had never imagined she would feel this happy again. Spike was soaring in his own heaven, for she had said "Spike. My Spike."  
  
***  
  
TBC… it wouldn't have taken so long to get this chapter up if you guys would have left feedback!!! No, just kidding, I just had tons of work to do, but I love it when I read great reviews, so keep 'em coming! 


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